inner ramblings

To Resist, To Give In, To Let Go

To Resist…

Not a day goes by that I haven’t struggled, trying to take control of the surge of emotions flooding my system. Did I just lose myself again? No, I don’t think so. I found a part of me instead which I didn’t know could possibly exist after everything I’ve been through. How could this be? How could the fire suddenly gets ignited by a simple, seemingly invisible contact? I don’t know how to deal with this fire. After a long time of lukewarm if not cold existence, I’m suddenly burning… yearning… desiring… for things I don’t feel deserving to have.

To Give In…

What do I do? Should I give in? Should I let myself get drowned in the surge? No. Definitely no. I can’t let my emotions take over again. Then what should I do? If I give in, I’m scared that I’m going to be a crumbling mess all over again. If I don’t give in, I’ll just have to keep on fighting myself. Is giving in the right way to go? 

To Let Go…

To accept. That sounds better. Am I ready to accept this? It’s freaking scary. I’m freaking scared of welcoming these bits of myself. But acceptance leads to peace… and healing. Acceptance might just be the best thing I could do. Stop denying. Stop resisting. Because the more I fight it, the more I hurt myself. If I stay true to myself and to what I’m feeling, maybe in time, I’ll master the art of letting go. 

 

 

 

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inner ramblings, poem

Facade

Like a calm ocean

On a sunny day

Like the vast seas

Somewhere

And some days

Gray clouds

And dark sky

Storms rage

While birds hide

Waves rise

As lightning strikes

Chaos

And lies

In her eyes

And smiles.