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7 Things You Learn When You’re Single

As Oscar Wilde said: “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person”.

1. Independence

You are alone, so there is no one but you. Now that may be terrifying at first, but it is also liberating. There is no one to tell you what to do. As they say, the ball is in your court; it is your move. You are in charge and you make your own decisions. No one else will do it for you, and you don’t have to worry about collateral damage.

2. Being alone is a journey of self-discovery

Since you are in charge, you have no one to tell you who you should be. This is your opportunity to discover who you are. Not only is the journey exciting, but you are closer to becoming the person you truly are. The closer you become, the more you realize that you aren’t a collection of other people or what they think of you. You are not who everyone wants you to be. You are who you want to be. Be the best you — no excuses, explanations, or apologies necessary.

3. You can realize your true potential

There is no one to tell you what to do, but there is also no one to tell you what you cannot do. Being alone allows you to focus on yourself and discover your true potential. The ceiling that at first seemed suffocating, is now made of glass and you are breaking through it. You realize that you can achieve more than you have ever imagined. Never be sorry for wanting more for yourself, and if you really do feel like you’re at rock bottom, just remember that you can only continue going up from here.

4. You’ll build your self-confidence

Once you realize what you can achieve, you are unstoppable. You can begin to push yourself to move forward. Even if you fail, you just have to continue pushing. Nothing and no one is holding you back. This is your own life and you must chase your own happiness. If you can do it alone, then you can do it always.

5. Remember who your true friends are

You slowly start to remember those who have always been there for you: those characters from books, movies, and television shows have never let you down. When you were happy or sad, they were always there. You have experienced every possible emotion with them. They do not judge you and they will never get tired of you. They will not grow up and leave you and you can always count on them. So watch your favorite shows, escape into your favorite books, and relive your favorite movies. And though you may feel like it, you are never truly alone.

6. You’ll learn how to fall in love with yourself

You will always be there for you. You are your best listener and confidante. You are your best friend and family. The more you spend time with yourself, they more you focus on yourself and realize how you have your back. As they say, “If you don’t love yourself, no one will”. After all, the best relationship you can have is with yourself.

7. You will survive

It is not the end of the world. You will find new friends. You will fall in love again. You will create your own family. But you will hurt again and people will continue to let you down, and that’s okay. You will become a stronger, well-rounded individual. You will discover who you are and what you can do. It will help you value the little things and realize you are important. Because you are not going to be alone forever, you are simply alone right now…and that’s okay.

Thought Catalog

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Being single is difficult for many people. You reach a point in your life when you feel like you have no one but yourself. It can affect your emotional, physical, and mental health. But being alone does not have to be the equivalent of being lonely. As Oscar Wilde said: “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person”. There is an abundant number of reasons why it’s okay to be alone. Here are just seven reasons why:

1. Independence

You are alone, so there is no one but you. Now that may be terrifying at first, but it is also liberating. There is no one to tell you what to do. As they say, the ball is in your court; it is your move. You are in charge and you make your own…

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The Best Type Of Love Is The One You Can Live Without

I think we’ve all been there.

Caught up in a torrent of emotions that we seem powerless to control; hardly able to think of anything else, barely able to function outside of the situation. We lose ourselves in ‘love,’ in what we believe love is supposed to be and how it is supposed to feel. We’re desperate to have them, to create an ‘us,’ sure that we’ve found the ‘one.’ How could it be anything else when we’re so utterly consumed?

All our lives we’ve been battered and engrained with the ideal that, unless you’re insane and addicted in your feelings for someone, it isn’t real and it isn’t going to last.

I’ve had that ‘love,’ and now years later, I hesitate to even call it that. Love is not obsession; it does not require you to give yourself wholly and completely at the expense of yourself. It does not ask you to be something you are not, it doesn’t ask you to be better or more. It does not ask you to give up on and forget those things that matter to you. That visceral, violent love that seems to burn through your life will dwindle and fade and once it’s over, you’ll be left with nothing but ashes.

I’ve had that flash burn, I’ve been caught up in that lie, and when it was over, I was left trying to pick up the pieces of who I thought I was. Without even realizing it, I’d set aside everything I truly cared for. My dreams, my career, my friendships, my family; it had all drifted away before I could even actively realize what was happening. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t good or honest or true. In short- it wasn’t love.

I made a commitment to myself after that. I made a commitment to myself and those things that mattered to me and swore that I would never give them up in the name of ‘love’ again. If love meant losing my identity, then maybe it wasn’t for me. But what I was really doing was making a commitment to love myself instead, and when you honestly love yourself; despite the flaws and mistakes, you’ll find that other people will love you too. They will offer you real love, though. The kind that is quiet, that is patient, and that is understanding.

I’ve found that a healthy love is a love that asks no more than you can give, and never takes without returning in kind. It isn’t perfect, but it is apologetic. It doesn’t take away from you, but bolsters you up and leaves you with a sense of self that doesn’t detract from what you want. A healthy love leaves you with the sense that, if it should come to an end, you will be left with more instead of less. You consider a life without them, and while it seems less bright, less happy and less appealing, you can see yourself there and know you would still be you at the end of it. This inner strength and affection allows for equal understanding and support; it allows for separation and difference of opinion. It does not require constant verification and doesn’t teeter on the whims of jealousy. It does not seek to possess or control, but to empower and uplift. Your lives are better together, but you still exist separately and uniquely.

The idea of an all-consuming passion and devotion might seem romantic and appealing, but I believe it is highly over rated. We so often sell the idea of comfort and companionship as ‘settling’ or as something benign and boring. What we should really be selling is the idea of a self love and inner strength that is capable of existing outside the affections of another person, even someone that we love. We should seek after an emotion that balances between the selfish and selfless and creates an atmosphere of growth and honest companionship.

Love shouldn’t change you or unmake you. It should merely bring out those things within you that are good, that are better. Love should not break you down, it should build you up.

Thought Catalog

Sleepless In SeattleSleepless In Seattle

I think we’ve all been there.

Caught up in a torrent of emotions that we seem powerless to control; hardly able to think of anything else, barely able to function outside of the situation. We lose ourselves in ‘love,’ in what we believe love is supposed to be and how it is supposed to feel. We’re desperate to have them, to create an ‘us,’ sure that we’ve found the ‘one.’ How could it be anything else when we’re so utterly consumed?

All our lives we’ve been battered and engrained with the ideal that, unless you’re insane and addicted in your feelings for someone, it isn’t real and it isn’t going to last.

I’ve had that ‘love,’ and now years later, I hesitate to even call it that. Love is not obsession; it does not require you to give yourself wholly and completely at the expense of yourself…

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The Best Thing About Being Honest With Yourself

I’ve learned this the hard way. It became a habit for me in the past – lying to myself. It was a prison cage that I had to painstakingly destroy. Thank God. Now, I’m free! 🙂

Things come together when you start to know yourself.

Being honest with yourself makes you fearless. The person you are isn’t so easily affected by negative opinions from others because you don’t feel as though who you are is something that should or for that matter can be changed — so you don’t get anxious about what other people say. The root of caring what other people think is assuming what they think needs to change what you think.

If you never take the initiative to be honest with yourself, you’ll never know what you want. You’ll never excel at anything because you won’t be passionate enough to do whatever it takes. You’ll never be able to find that essence that nobody else can replicate — that is solely your own. You’ll remain an untapped well… of yourself.”

Thought Catalog

There are so many things we identify with, so many ways we decide who we are based on style that we admire and opinions that are the collective average of the people we surround ourselves with. We’re so disconnected from our core selves, we latch onto everything around us to try to compile a person from confusion.

And all you end up with are the pieces of somebody else’s life.

It’s the advice you’re given all the time, though it’s often ignored because we don’t know where to start: knowing yourself, becoming your own locus of control, is the most important thing in the world. You can’t expect to find somebody who loves you for you when you don’t even know who you are. You’re not going to know what dreams you want to follow; you’ll trap yourself in the could and should and must of a person you’re only…

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inner ramblings

What Is Love?

What is love? Or how would you know that you truly love someone? I don’t say “in love” because for me, I think, being in love means the feelings are mutual between two people. So how would you know that it’s love?

These days, I can’t help but ponder on this question whenever I’m alone. Because how would I know really? How would I know that what I have right now is indeed “true love” like what my closest couple friends are saying? How could they conclude such a thing in the first place anyway?

If I’m going to look back and put in a nutshell what really happened to me in this area of my life in the past month that I’ve been soul-searching, I moved on from a “la vie en rose” perspective and from my full-blown infatuation over him. Then after that, I felt kinda lost. Like a huge chunk of me was missing. But thank God, He restored me later on. It wasn’t easy though. There came a time when I thought God wanted me to remove him in my thoughts and in my heart. I really tried so hard. But in the end, all my efforts were in vain. For the more I tried to forget about him, the more he kept on disturbing my thoughts. I’ve asked God countless times, “Why?” Lately, I finally realized, He never wanted me to forget that person in the first place.

So what now? What is this I’m feeling? Sometimes I’m scared for I know that now it’s for real. No more “rose-colored glasses.” No longer tainted by infatuation. And I guess, no matter how much I try to not think of him, he will always be at the back of my mind. Lingering. Waiting to resurface any chance that would trigger me to remember him. But unlike before, I no longer dwell and moon over. I no longer have the urge to fantasize and dream. I just simply remember him. And the memories that come along with whatever it is that reminds me of him. And of course, I can’t help but smile. Or frown. Depending on the memories. In the end, I sigh with a silent prayer that he’s alright and happy with whatever he’s doing at that very moment. Even if he’s out on a date with someone else.

Yes, I admit. I feel uncomfortable every time I see him in my news feed together with a girl/s out on a date. The first time I felt it, it was strong. But thank God, He had mercy on me and helped me change my heart, thoughts and attitude on such stuffs. But yeah. Still, I’m uncomfortable whenever it happens. I can’t help but feel a bit jealous.

But apart from that, I’ve never felt more at peace and shall I say, happy, with my self and my life. And at the end of the day, he’s now a part of my prayers. Praying for the best. That God would give him everything he needs even if it’s not what he wants. That God would make him the person that He wants him to be. That God would protect and hide him from evil. That everyday he will be guided by God’s grace so he will never lose his way. That he will always be happy. That even though I’m hoping for a possibility that we could be together someday, if it’s not part of God’s plans for us, whoever he ends up with someday, I pray that they will be happy and they are both being molded by God right now for that season in their lives in the future.

So tell me, what is love? What is this I have right now? This, I’m sure of right now. Whatever this is, I put my trust in God. My heart is now in His hands. I’m secured.

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10 Mildly Weird Things Overthinkers Do When They Have A Crush On Someone

HAHAHA. I’m just gonna laugh. 🙂

“2. Looking at your eyes is a conscious effort. Whether I like your eyes or not, it’s hard for me to look. I guess, when it comes to liking someone, my initial reflex is to stay away and watch from the sidelines. That’s why having you so near and having to look at you straight on is difficult. But I know, I know. So as to not be obvious to you, I have to pretend that I could look at your eyes effortlessly just like I automatically look at the eyes of my other friends. But you’d know still. You just have to be really good at analyzing non-verbal communication to get this one. You should just notice how my body slightly relaxes when I look away.

9. I write about you. This one, you won’t ever find out about except if a) you discover the location of the thing that must not be discovered, b) my friends tell you, and c) I tell you. Writing is my thing. When I am filled with intense emotions, I write so naturally, if I really really like you, you’d be the protagonist of most of my stories and the “he” in most of my poems. If I really like you, as in so so so much, you probably have a folio dedicated to all the things I’ve written about you. And hey, you might even be the you that I’m thinking of as I write this post.

10. I won’t tell you. Like I said, I tend to watch from the sidelines and that means, I won’t confess my feelings. I could probably try to show them but if I really really really like you, I won’t say it straight up. For a lot of reasons.

That’s it, really. I think it’s too easy to tell. But then again, if it really was, then you wouldn’t have to read this to know that I like you, right?”

Thought Catalog

Recently, I’ve been spending a lot of time on my Tumblr dashboard, reading and reblogging posts. Majority of them include posts of links like “21 Signs You Have a Chance With Him” and “10 Signs It’s Love.” I read those for fun, mentally counting the number of items that apply to me but not really believing them. And then, as I was walking home today, I thought of making my own list. This time, instead of writing vague general descriptions, I’ll try to write realistic and specific ones.

Note: I don’t guarantee that these same signs would apply to anyone else.

1. I’d be nice to you, a little too nice, but you probably won’t notice because I’m making sure that I’m not too too nice to you. In my head, I’m calculating the amount of niceness I’d offer you because a) I don’t want to be obvious, b) I…

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What Happens When You’ve Been Sad For Too Long

What Happens When You’ve Been Sad For Too Long

This article describes me.
“It gets compulsive. After a point sadness is a sort of habit. You can’t really function without the empty ache somewhere inside you. Somehow, after you’ve been exposed to such an intense feeling of grief for so long it feels natural to exist with a tinge of lingering sadness. And it’s not like you don’t laugh or joke around, life is pretty normal except that there’s a customary sorrow that just won’t go away.

Everything seems a bit poetic. Yes, that’s one of the cool things. Being sad adds a touch of poetry to your life. It gets perfect when you’re in the car with the earphones on and a sad song plays and you stare out of the window feeling like a tragedy queen. But in fact, being sad is not poetic at all because in the end it only makes you feel like shit. It’s like performing in an empty theatre with no audience to watch you.

You become kinder. A person who has seen pain and sadness up so close can understand other people better. Most of the people so easily forget that others are human. But one only understands grief when you’ve felt it physically. That’s why I believe distress makes a person more humane. Sad people are kinder, more compassionate and forgiving. They care about other people’s feelings because they know how it feels when no one cares about theirs.

You become introspective. When you’ve spent so long wishing for happiness, you do tend to think more deeply about what makes you happy. And then you just think more deeply about everything. You also tend to overthink your decisions because you’re scared you’ll go wrong. You can’t afford another mistake and yet another regret.

You appreciate more. You appreciate the small things in life and see beauty where others don’t see anything. Most people just enjoy the music but a sad person understands the lyrics. For us, a rainy day and a good book are as close as we can get to happiness.

You become a creative person. It is the (to quote the cliché) last but not the least thing that happens to you when you’re a gloomy person. In fact, it is the only actually good part. All these years of misery that you have stacked away in your heart flows out through your creative abilities. Most of the time people don’t even realize it. You’re just writing or painting or singing or whatever to let it all out and eventually when you look back you created a masterpiece!

I guess, in the end we’re all a little sad. Some scars don’t fade away because they are the evidences of life, of the physical truth that you have lived.

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17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

This is so true.
. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way.

5. Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. Don’t always give in to her, but do let her win sometimes.

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it.

11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words.

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before.

17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever.

Thought Catalog

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll…

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inner ramblings

The Story Of A Girl I Knew

There’s a girl I knew. She was 17. She’s quiet, meek, good-hearted but alone. She got no close friends who cares. No one to talk to about her joys and problems. She’s busy with her studies in college in the morning and helping her mother financially in the evening. Her father was always away and seldom at home. Later on, she was made to believe that her father doesn’t care anymore and so, she has to work harder to help her mother.

That time, there was a man. For her, he was a father figure. He was always there. He was helping them find sources for a living. Almost every day and every night, he was with them to act like a father and her mentor. However, later on, things changed.

The man she thought of as her father, who’s actually a father of three in his own home and has a wife, started to change. He started looking at her differently. He started treating her differently. Later on, he confessed that he was falling in love with her. He has decided to keep away from them to prevent the unwanted things from happening. It made the girl sad but she thought it would be for the best. But her mother was desperate to keep the man. She deceived him. She sent him messages pretending as her daughter begging the man to stay. And so he stayed. That’s when things started to get awful.

Few months later, the girl found out she was pregnant. She was scared. She was shocked. “How could this happen?” she thought. Before that, several times the man assaulted her sexually.  But never once did the man succeed to penetrate her. There was only this one instance when the man got very close to it, but he was never able to succeed even then. So how could she become pregnant? If any doctor would examine her then, he/she would find her a virgin with a growing child in her womb!

She did not tell her mother at first. She told the man. He was shocked. He was in disbelief. He knew that he hadn’t succeeded in his assaults to the girl. Not even once. And so, he decided to abort the child. The girl was helpless. She had no one else to run to. With her studies and future in mind, regretfully, she agreed with the man’s plan. They went to an abortionist. They tried to kill the child in her womb. But guess what? They failed.

Finally, they told her mother. Her mother was in despair. But there’s nothing they could do. And so, they moved on with their lives. The following days, weeks and months were the most trying times in the girl’s life. She was despairing on her own. Many times at night, she cried in her sleep. She started questioning God. She did not stop going to school but due to shame and guilt, she withdrew herself even more from others. Later on, her tummy became noticeable. Her classmates and schoolmates started looking at her with questioning glances. There were few who were brave enough to ask her how many months she was on the way. There was even one kid who volunteered to be the child’s godparent in the future. She was so ashamed of herself.

However, her mother prepared her a lie to tell to anyone who would ask her about her condition. And so, guiltily, that’s what she told anyone who asked her. That she has an ovarian cyst.

Through all those times, her mother was looking at her disdainfully. There was no one she could turn to except for the man. That’s when the girl learned to love the man more than just a father. Later on, after the man’s long waiting and begging, she finally gave herself up to him. They had an affair. The man was the center of the girl’s world. She chose to not listen to the tiny voice deep within her that kept telling her that what she’s doing was wrong. Every moment she spent with him was bliss. Which instantly turned to guilt and shame the moment he leaves her each day.

On the seventh month of her pregnancy, she started to labor. There were complications in her pregnancy that made the girl suffer and in pain. One Friday night in April, a night when Jesus died, the girl gave birth to a child. It was a ceasarian operation. The scar from that night will always remind her of what she had once been…and the sacrifice of a new life. The baby girl died in the middle of labor and operation.

Life continued. She continued her studies. She continued being alone. And also, their sinful affair did not end yet. Later on in their relationship, the girl started to be eaten away by jealousy. She became selfish. She finally realized that she wanted to be the only one for the man. But she also knew that could never be possible. They started arguing, talking about the what ifs and regretting. At some point, the man planned to elope with her. They would leave everything behind. His family, her family, her studies and her future. The girl was willing to leave everything behind just to be with the man forever. But the plan never succeeded.

Near the end of their two-year affair, the girl and the man decided to break up. The girl was left alone, shattered, lost and broken. The following summer, the girl’s family also fell apart. From then on, she was left all alone and lived all by herself.

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20 Things You Should Know About Dating An Independent Girl

19. At times, we may seem so self-reliant, content and in control that you may wonder whether you’re needed in our lives. You are. We are confident and directed but cherish someone who appreciates, rather than fears, these qualities. 20. We still love a big hug, lots of affection, and to be told how much we’re loved. Tell us we look pretty every now and then and don’t let us shrug it off. Independence will never trump the desire to feel adored.

Thought Catalog

1. We need alone time. A little each day and more than a little on other days. It doesn’t mean we’ve lost interest in you.

2. We don’t mind if you don’t call or text us every second. We like it. We won’t be contacting you either. That said, if you’re late, don’t keep us guessing as to when you’ll show up as we’ll make other plans.

3. We can clean up our own messes. We’re not waiting around for you to fix our problems.

4. We are perfectly fine doing chores, running errands, and exercising by ourselves. If you want to join us, we’re glad to have you along, but don’t talk to us while we’re in the zone.

5. We sign up and attend charity events, races, and cultural exhibits on our own. We don’t need a date to feel comfortable at these things. Set us loose in…

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10 Love Quotes That Only Introverts Will Get

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes” – Carl Jung

Thought Catalog

image - Flickr / Vernon Hyde image – Flickr / Vernon Hyde

Everybody loves love, even introverts (extroverted introverts, we’re talking about you too). It is a common misconception that we are emotionless and reserved, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Introverts love just as deeply as everyone else. We might like our alone time, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love with passion, too. In fact, our precious alone time can make us better partners to the rest of you, once we’ve had time to recharge and be with our thoughts.

And how do we prove this point? With quotes about love, of course! From poet and novelist Rainer Maria Rilke to author and introvert-specialist Susan Cain, we’ve got 10 fabulous love quotes you need to read. Personally, we’re partial to Carl Jung’s word of wisdom on us introverted folks, but you can pick your own favorite. We just do these…

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