inner ramblings

Self Unforgiven

Everytime I feel so much happiness, sadness follows. There’s this feeling of guilt weighing down in my chest. I feel like I don’t deserve to be this happy around those good and nice people. I’ve come to terms with everything that happened during those dark times in the past except for one. I can’t stop myself from asking, “Why the hell did I let it happen to me?” That one thing I’m most regretful of. I can’t fully forgive myself… yet. I’m so afraid to be left alone again. If only I could turn back time and prevent those awful things from happening to me. I should have been stronger. I should have thought of the future.  But it’s too late now. There’s nothing I could do. I’ve been lost before. And now that I’m back on the right track, that scar will always remind me how weak, stupid and naive I’ve been. Where there is happiness, sadness follows.


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